Free School Lunches Were My Lifeline
- Megan Hawk
- Aug 10
- 4 min read
Updated: Aug 12
Megan Hawk, DNP
8/7/2025
I was born in 1985 to a stay-at-home mom and a father who worked for the local phone company, I had a brother 5 years older, and a sister 8 years older. On my father’s sole income of $17 an hour, he built a log cabin on several acres. We lived here until I was five or six.
We moved “to town” though still rural Ohio, when I was halfway through Kindergarten. We purchased a lovely 2-story home with an in-ground swimming pool. Things seemed peaceful enough for a few years.
However, home life became more tense as my parents’ marriage decayed. It felt like a rapid change to my young self, as though life went from normal and peaceful to frightening and chaotic overnight. The adults in my life poor communication and outlandish conflict resolution skills created memories of hiding in a house for safety or fleeing from the house. These memories showed up in my dreams as a child and followed me well into adulthood.
After the divorce, life was more peaceful without the fear and the fighting, but the poverty and scarcity I would experience shaped my life even more.
Poverty was shameful.
The house wasn’t always heated in the winter.
The water wasn’t always turned on.
Broken faucets, exposed wires.
A collapsed roof.
The house is in disarray; look away.
At the worst, there was no food and no heat.
I mixed flour with water, salted it, and ate it. One morning, I ate powdered cocoa mix for breakfast before going to school.
I packed my own lunch with stale snacks, and hoped to trade them with some normal income kid’s actual lunch. It worked a few times before the other kids caught on.
My clothes were often soiled and oversized.
Kids at school went out of their way to bully me.
In either 4th or 5th grade, we were assigned 1st grade buddies. It was cute. We hung out at lunch time and recess and showed them the ropes of elementary school life. One day, my buddy offered me a beef stick at lunch. With stars in my eyes, I accepted. I am not sure what I had for lunch that day, or if I had one.
All I know is, my buddy offered me a beef stick and I haven’t forgotten about that beef stick,
My buddy started bringing me beef sticks, at this point I can only assume that she advocated for my needs to her mom, who ultimately raised concerns with the school.
One day, I was called into the principals office.
I was asked if I was eating my buddy’s lunch.
Ashamed, I admitted that she was bringing me beef sticks.
“Oh. You can’t eat your buddy’s lunch.”
So, the beef sticks were no more.
I think it was sometime after this that I gained consistent access to food in the form of free school lunches.
I loved school food. It was food after all.
But I remember there being shame even associated with the fact that I received free lunches.
I was raised, intentionally or not, with the mindset that recognized any form of government assistance as a mark of dishonor and shame.
Struggling was meant to be silent; keep it secret.
My own suffering was rebranded as “strength” and “resilience”, although it never felt that way to me.
So why now?
I say it on behalf of the little girl who didn’t have the voice to speak up for herself 30 years ago when she was sad, hungry, and too weak to advocate for herself. I say it on behalf of the other kids like me.
Everyone has varying levels of mental resilience.
Some recognize and heal from trauma far faster than others.
Some aren’t traumatized by events at all.
Some end up with invisible scars that last a lifetime.
Is this really what we want for kids?
I understand that the mindset of the people who raised me persists, and I am here to tell you that it is damaging.
Because children can get depressed and suicidal. I was one of them. Chaotic homes can cause PTSD. Folks who appear “high functioning” can be struggling with suicidal thoughts.
I don’t want sympathy for my young life; what I do want is recognition of the real, tangible things that contribute to mental health struggles later in life and that set some up for a rougher road to success than others.
It is well established in the evidence thus far that adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) contribute to a wide array of physical and mental health conditions.
The CDC-Kaiser Permanente adverse childhood experiences (ACE) study is one of the largest investigations of childhood abuse and neglect and household challenges and later-life health and well-being. This study had two waves of data collection of 17000 participants. This study shows us some of the major risk factors for developing chronic illness back in the 90’s and we still are hardly moving the needle.
Social safety nets help the kids like me survive, which, if you ask me, is a pretty low bar to set for society.
The end result in my situation has been sprawling: scarcity, poverty, a chaotic home, shame, and insecurity paired with a genetic vulnerability made me more susceptible to lifelong medical concerns. My adult years have been a cascade of undoing maladaptive patterns and behaviors from childhood rooted in my own need for survival. From communication to dental care, I have worked to untrain bad habits and form good ones. It’s much more challenging to train new, good habits as an adult than as a child.
You can also think of it as, it’s easier to pick up new, sustainable habits as a child, when the proverbial hard wiring of the brain is occurring.
Now, in 2025, I can’t believe I’m telling my life story to advocate for children in the United States of America to be fed and have a proper social safety net,
but here I am.
-Megan
Literature outlining the positive associations between a full stomach and academic achievement:
Now, in 2025, I can’t believe I’m telling my life story to advocate for children in the United States of America to be fed and have a proper social safety net, but here we are.
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